Takeout

A rainy day, especially on a Sunday, makes me kind of emotional. Not in a bad way though. I guess it would be more accurate to say that a rainy day, especially on a Sunday, moves me.

I got plenty of sleep last night. When I woke up, I made a sweet vanilla butter and lathered it onto an English muffin and brewed some Earl Grey tea! A truly English meal!

After breakfast, I went out for a long walk with Warden. He's a good dog, but he likes to pull on the leash a bit hard, and every time we came across another dog, he started acting crazy, barking his head off and chasing his tail. I think he misses Stella. I miss Stella too.

I didn't realize it, but we'd been on a walk for almost 4 hours! We were both famished. I ordered takeout from Lo Mei's and fed Warden, who gobbled up his food in seconds!!! I ordered Kung Pao Chicken. I was feeling ambitious, so when the woman on the other end asked, "How spicy? One to ten?" I said, "Nine."

I was waiting for the deliveryman and looking out the window, being moved by the rain, on a Sunday, when I remembered a moment I'd had with Kung Pao Chicken, more than 25 years ago! Memories are strange. Sometimes a memory will pop up from who knows where!

Anyways, I remember driving with Mom up from Florida the summer I turned seventeen. We had the brilliant idea that we could manage an 18 hour drive in one shot. We were miserable, and tired, needless to say. And hungry. So we stopped at a Chinese restaurant in North Carolina, and I ordered Kung Pao Chicken. There was no one else in the restaurant. Mom asked if my food was good, and I said it was alright. Even though the memory seems trivial, I was sad when the memory resurfaced.

I guess there was sadness in all of Mom's motions. My sister says the same about me, although I don't see it, but then again, I don't stand in front of a mirror all day. Could you imagine? What a waste of time. Or, would it be the best use of time? Looking at yourself. Knowing what you look like when you're vulnerable. Knowing what you look like when you lie, or fall in love, or feel ashamed. Knowing what jealousy does to your face, how madness alters your stance, how boredom reads in the movement of your mouth, how pain tenses your muscles, how doubt weighs on the skin below your eyes, how fear knows the space between your eyes, how your eyes see you and you and you and you and you and you, until it's sick of you and you and you and you and you and you.

When the food came, I ate it, and I cried.

It was too spicy.