Surfaces

When I was a kid, I collected rocks and minerals. My favorite: Ulexite. Homes used to tell me that people were like rocks. There are many sides. You can observe and come to know one side of a rock and then turn it around and not recognize it at all. But Ulexite is different. You can place it on top of any surface and the surface appears on the face of the rock. It is everything. It is everyone.

When I was a kid, I put Ulexite on top of the newspaper. I read the Sunday comics through the rock. Then, one day, I placed it on top of text and read: Died the 23rd of Tuesday, 1968. I put the rock away in a drawer. I closed the drawer. I heard the rock. It said, "Died the 23rd of Tuesday. 1968. 1968." It said, "NINETEEN SIXTEEEEEE EIGHT!" I stopped collecting rocks. I watched the clouds instead. I named them cirrus or nimbus or cumulonimbus. They did not say things to me. When I looked at the clouds, they did not spell out DEATH. Their surfaces changed too, quickly.

I don't know what I'm really trying to get across. I guess I miss thinking about rocks and clouds. Do you ever get tired of listening to people? Thinking about people? I do. I like to listen to other things. The things that never get listened to. I like to think about tiny things. Things that never get thought about. Sometimes, I don't want to talk. Sometimes, I want to talk to the wall because so few people have greeted it, but it is always there, waiting.

The vacuum cleaner is such a lonely thing. Have you ever looked at someone vacuuming the floor? It breaks my heart everytime. I mean, look next time, and you will see what I mean.

In prison, I used to think about many things. But mostly, I used to think about how free I'd feel. But I don't feel free. What does feeling free even feel like? I think it would be terrifying. I think it would be boring, really. I feel like a rock. I feel like a rock that's just been overturned. I feel like the clouds are above my surface, instead of dirt and worms. I guess it's all new to me still. But a rock has plenty of time.

The "Win for Life" wasn't disappointing. It was true.

It was fun though.