Vision

Do you ever get the feeling that you have an overwhelming amount of things to do first thing in the morning? There's no time for coffee. Your heart is already racing. You are propelled out the door, time is moving too quickly, things are breaking that should not break, the weather is not cooperating, you've got something caught in your eye, you can't find a parking spot, you've stapled the wrong pages together, your handwriting has changed, your fingers smell like pennies, the bathroom is closed for cleaning, the water in the water fountain is warm.

I don't. I never feel this way.

I wake up and deliver papers. I make butter. Sometimes, I play chess. Sometimes, I call Rick. Once in a while, Guy will stop by to say hi and if I'm feeling ambitious, I'll drive to Steubenville to visit Dad.

My heart hasn't raced in a long time. I always have time for coffee.

I don't want to be stressed or overwhelmed, but I want to have a sense of purpose. Sometimes, I think purpose is an empty concept.

"There is a fundamental human need for guiding ideals that give meaning to our actions"-Roger Fisher.

I guess I'm trying to figure out what my actions are exactly. If there is no meaning to what I do, does that mean that I do not act? Have I died, figuratively? Is this all a crock?

Homes once told me about his vision quest. If you don't know what a vision quest is, check it out here.

Homes said that he wandered for two days through forests, mountains, and valleys, until he finally entered into a field and sat in this field for two days. Then, Homes said he had a vision that was very special to him and would remain so and that I had trust him, that his vision led him to be the person he is today.

I think I need to go on a vision quest.

Something must mean something.