Hunger

I just ate an entire pizza by myself! I can feel my stomach expanding still. Full. More Full. Expanding. Most Full. Expanding. Explosively Full. Expanding. Infinitely Full.

But I know I will be hungry soon.

I ordered the pizza because I was hungry. Even after I'd finished my shift and Belle Star made me a Rachel on the HOUSE. My hunger was insatiable.

I waited for the deliveryman and while I waited, I started tidying up the apartment. Then I thought, "Why am I cleaning the apartment up for the deliveryman?" So I stopped. I turned on all the lights because I didn't want to seem like I ordered a pizza for myself. I wanted it to seem like there were other people lounging in other rooms, excited for pizza. Craving pizza. I didn't want the deliveryman to know that I was alone. Why? I don't know why. Maybe it's because pity makes me uncomfortable.

When the deliveryman arrived, I was so excited for the pizza that I dropped it after he'd handed it to me. We stared at the overturned pizza box. I handed the deliveryman the cash and he took it from me and we stood there, still looking at the pizza on the ground.
"I can get you another one," he said.
"When?"
"In an hour, maybe," he said, "maybe less than that. But maybe longer."
"It's fine," I said.

After I closed the door behind him, I sat on the floor and ate the pizza. It was delicious, despite its appearance. I ate the entire thing in 20 minutes.

I am hungry.
What do you do when you are hungry but nothing you eat keeps you full?
I want to be content.

But it's not happening.