...

I don't know. Sometimes, I want so much out of a day, but it's always already dark out and I'm looking out the window, at what? I wish I knew. Today, as I was shoveling out my car (for the third time this week!), someone asked:

"How are you?"
I said, "Oh, I'm alright, I guess. Could be better. How are you?"
"Great!" someone said.
"Great?"
"Great! I'm going to work. Some people can't work. But I can," and someone walked away, to work I suppose, and had a great day.
"I'm great too," I called out.
I don't know. Sometimes, I like to trick myself into thinking that I feel great! But it's always a happenstance lie because what does feeling great even mean? I wish I knew.

Blah! I've been inside all day, thinking about stupid things and writing about stupid things!

I just want to own a mountain. I want to live on this mountain, alone. I want to walk up this mountain. I want to walk down this mountain. I want to build giant mobiles that only I know about. I want to make a ton (literally, 2000 pounds) of butter. I want to sing songs to dirt. I want to learn all the constellations and then give them all different names.

I want to move forward without shame.