The Bottom of a Very Deep Hole

Really, it was only a matter of time.

Once, the hole is dug, it must be dug deeper.

Regrette is a tidal wave of dog. Her coat is obsidian. Her paws are saucers. Her jowl, a bear trap. She is a wonder. A frightening wonder. Her appetite is voracious. Her bark is booming. Her movements, sloppy.

And how was I supposed to know?

The contract is binding.

Warden greeted Regrette with kisses. Regrette barked and lifted a paw to Warden's face. They tussled in the living room and in the kitchen and in the bedroom. They shook the apartment with their playful embraces. The windowpanes rattled in their casings with each Regrette-ful bark. Warden was happy. I was happy.

Then the knock on the door.

"Who is it?" I said.

"Peggy Waters," a voice said through the door. "Landlord."

I turned to Warden and Regrette. I lifted a finger to my mouth. "Shh," I said, and the dogs stopped their playing. They sat and looked at me. "Huh," I said. They waited for the next command.

I opened the door to a very pregnant Peggy Waters.

"I've received several complaints," she said, "about loud disruptive noises coming from your apartment."

"I'm sorry, it's the dogs--"

"I'm sorry, did you say dogs?"

"Yes," I said, although I knew from Peggy Water's raised eyebrows and razor-like stare that dogs were a BIG no-no. My heart raced. My stomach folded in on itself.

"I regret to--"

But Peggy Waters could not finish. Regrette barked. The loudest bark I've ever heard in my life. Peggy Waters screamed. She cradled her stomach and winced. I thought she'd gone into labor.

"No, she's a friendly dog," I said. "I swear."

"Out!" Peggy Waters screamed. "The dogs go or you go!"

"I didn't know," I said, "Guy never--"

"Guy?" Peggy Waters said. Her face turned red. Her eyes teared up. "Tell that bastard that his son is due any day now." With that, she turned around and walked down the hallway. "You have one week Mr. Jimenez. The dogs go or you go."

"Preggy!" I pleaded, "I mean, Peggy."

I closed the door. I looked at the dogs. Regrette tilted her head.

As if she'd understood everything.