Misnomer

Today, I was walking around when I saw a flyer that was painfully familiar.

The first memories of Rick that kicked around in my head were positive ones. That time in my life was good in many ways. Much like now, I guess, there were good things and there were bad things. Maybe Rick was to me what that feather was to Dumbo. I needed him to show me that I didn't need him, if you know what I mean.


It is sometimes fun and sometimes painful to go look back at those old posts. So much can happen in a year! What if I'd been blogging way back in high school, or even further. Can you imagine? It is probably a good thing those days feel so distant now.


Rick. What more can be said about Rick? I still have emptinesses I am unsuccessfully trying to fill. People have come and gone in my life. I think about Bailey sometimes, and Guy still calls every once in a while. Things change, though. Rick. What if he was just a friend, and not my spiritual adviser. Would I like him more? Less? He used to talk a lot, without saying anything. Or that's what I thought. Maybe it was me who screwed up that relationship. Maybe I expected too much from him--or I expected to help me more than he did--because I was and am such a mess. Who could fix me, really? Mr. Phil? Freud? Alan Watts?


Reading over my posts over the last few days and weeks, I wonder if I have been sadder than usual. I heard once that you could input the text of fictional books into a computer and the computer could tell you things about the author. They could tell Agatha Christie had Alzheimer's from her late books. I wonder what of my writings could be boiled down into something meaningful about who I am and what I am. I wonder if Curt is brief if he is depressed and if Curt has a lot to say if he is lonely. I wonder what it says about him that he blogs at all, mostly about nothing. I wonder about the misnomer blog name, seeing as how he hardly even mentions butter anymore.


What of that, scientists?