Losing

Voices follow me around. Frequently, voices I will never hear again. It's amazing how they live inside you. Laughter, and angry voices, sometimes. Disappointment, sometimes. You wish that you were able to let those voices know that who you were once isn't who you are forever.

It warmed up today, and I took the opportunity to spend some time outside. Things that come back year after year are comforting. A 60 degree day in November. Warm like a heavy blanket. Wrapping you up, and making you feel good inside. Walking around on a day like today with dogs like my dogs makes people go out of there way to smile and say nice things to me. It is a good thing. Without the dogs, who would ever say anything nice to me, or anything at all?

"Are you walking those dogs, or are they walking you?" Hahahaha.

"Whoa, big dogs!" Yep.

It's the same stuff every time, but it's still nice. Today, Warden found a chicken bone, and I let him suck on it for a while, because I didn't want to deny him of that unexpected pleasure. But only for a little while. I can't lose another animal, I just can't. Not to choking to death on a stupid chicken bone.

It is getting dark around 6 here since we fell back. Early darkness helps me hide, which is also nice. Today, I do not know whether I want to hide or if I want to be seen and acknowledged. I guess the truth is probably somewhere in between.

It would be nice to have someone real to talk to. I don't know what that means, but I think it's true.

It would be nice.