ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahhhhhh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahhhhhhh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Monica is someone who likes operas. I don't know much about operas, but then Monica plays a song from an opera that I've heard before, and I tell her that I kind of like it, that it's kind of catchy. You know, I think Mozart's been on my mind lately, because Monica tells me that Mozart wrote the opera and that it's called The Magic Flute. That's nice, I say. But the song you like, Curt, is a very dark song, Monica tells me. My eyelids are kind of droopy from last night's relaxers. I am sitting on her couch. I have like zero muscles. Or maybe zero bones. She made something with lentils and it was very good. I am 100% lentils! What is the song about? I ask. It is about a mother telling her daughter to kill her father, or else. Geez, I say. That's messed up. Monica nods. We listen to the opera. It is very good, I recommend it.

There is so much to tell Monica. When do you know it's a good time to tell someone a dark and stormy past? What will Monica think about me when she learns what I've been up to in the past? Does it even matter? What if Monica has a dark and stormy past too? What if her dark and stormy past is even darker and stormier than my past? Gulp.

What's brown and sticky?

"I am feeling better today. I am feeling like maybe how Mozart must have been feeling, and then he died. But I am ALIVE! It is like the first day of my new life. That's something that I say a lot. It seems like I am always starting a new life. I feel like maybe Mozart and I would have gotten along. You see, I like the movie Amadeus. And apparently, Mozart 'had a startling fondness for scatological humor.'"

"Curt," Monica's voice says over the phone. "That's great to hear! Curt. I have an idea."

"I like ideas."

"You say that your dad is getting tired of you and whenever we talk and your dad is brought up in conversation, you sound like you're getting tired of your dad."

"Uh-huh."

"So why don't you move into the apartment that I'm moving out of? It's not that expensive and the landlord is nice. Or," Monica pauses.

"Yeah?"

"We can be roommates."