A Social Chamelon

Belle Star says that I'm aloof. A "character", she says. She says that I'm a social chameleon, trying to guess what people want me to be and then adapting to that expectation. "Be yourself Curt!" she'll say, and I'll mumble some response that doesn't make any sense. I don't try to not be myself. I guess I'm just not sure what the true essence of "Curt Jimenez", if that makes sense. I am always searching, never finding.

There was a man who was coming into the diner every day for a while, and he would bring a paper and start reading it and ranting about politics. I told him that Reagan was the only politician I ever trusted, which was a lie. Bill McKay is the only politician I ever trusted.

I think about being that guy who just says whatever is on his mind, no matter who is listening. That's not me. Sure, I tread lightly in conversation.

This is what I'm going to do, one of these days. I'm going to drink a pot of coffee, and like 10 Pepsis and I'm going to go down the street and start talking, just start spouting out my real opinions so everybody can understand exactly who I am, and exactly where I come from. I don't care if they're homophobes or fiscal liberals or hawks or doves or prostitutes or methodists. I'm just going to put it all out there and let people jump to whatever conclusion they want to. I am Curt! Curt Jimenez! I am going to rant against the NRA and the CIA, and tell people how I really feel about ELO and Edgar Winter. I'm going to yell at dog owners who don't collect their dogs' business, and I'm going to tell the Jehovah's witnesses that I've looked at their literature and I think it's just not my thing. And I think Ingmar Bergman is a hack.

That's not true. I'm never going to do that.

I'm me. A social chameleon.