Change Post

If you change, do people remind you of your old self, afraid that the changes happening before them are not for the better, but not for the worse, but are making you not you not you? Do they say: "Remember when..." or "You used to..." Do they say these things with Remorse? Denial. Fear. Anger. Do they?

And if they do, what do you do? Do you scratch the inside of your palms with fingernails you wished you didn't chew off because an itch is an itch and with no means to itch an itch, an itch is still an itch. Do you drink as much water as you can so you can excuse yourself over and over again in order to use the bathroom and then you wonder if flushing the toilet is really worth it because you'll be back again, soon. In five minutes. Then five minutes after that. Then maybe ten. I guess it depends on how big the glass is, really. Do you try to find a pattern in the light? Or do you just go with it because it's easy to just go with things nowadays and not worry about the light or the way you must look in the light and how the light makes you look at other things differently like these things are looking at you.

I want to make change butter. A butter I am afraid to recognize as butter. A butter that does not recognize its role as butter. I want to eat this butter and not know what eating is because the butter is change butter and change butter does not understand how to be eaten nor does the consumer know that change butter is butter willed into being butter.

I want to change speak. I want to speak without thinking because it must be nice not to know every word so intimately. It must be nice not to speak only when the listener cannot see how your lips are moving, how they are changing. With change speaking, the change becomes the speaking, and the words matter much less than the action of speaking with change. With change speaking, listening is never a chore.

The only chore is speaking without change. Then, words take on new meaning. They say Love in okays, and No in maybes. And this is confusing. And never goes anywhere unless you are not you.