Muh-Muh-Muh-Monday

Wow, I feel a lot better. It's like I'm a whole new person! Still need to get the car fixed, but The Ghost actually sympathized with me and let me borrow a company van. Didn't get a chance to make butter, but will have to in the near future (I'm running low!).

It was unseasonably warm this afternoon and I wanted to take a walk, so I decided to explore the cemetery. I started thinking about death, because I was surrounded by stony relics signifying the loss of loved ones. Death. What a strange thing. I can't remember the first time I understood what death meant. I still don't know if I understand what it means. It's an end to something, but surely, it's the beginning of something else, right? What does it really mean when someone or something dies? Say you've met someone and come to know them well and then you go your separate ways. You don't see this person for a long time, a decade or two, and then one day, you learn that this person's died, two years ago. You feel a sudden and overwhelming sadness. Why? You haven't seen this person in over two decades, but you weren't sad until you learned of their death. You might have lived your whole life never having seen this person again. You might have died before this person died. But as soon as you learn of this person's death, you're sad. Why? It doesn't make sense to me.

I used to think about dying all the time. It used to put me in a bad way. Then one day, a dear friend of mine, a tiny woman with a soft voice, told me that if I was going to think of dying all the time, I ought to think that tomorrow was my last day and that I should do everything that I wanted/had to do, today. What a beautiful way of thinking of dying.

I apologize if these blogs have been a bit overwhelming lately. I believe that the things that are most scary to write about, should be written about because they matter the most.