Semantics

Ronny asked me if I wanted to go get a drink.

I told him I would.

He took me to this bar that he said was his favorite. There were lots of trophy heads hanging on the walls, deers and such, and a few men playing darts. Lots of storytelling and swearing.

At the bar, there was a couple having an argument.

The man said he was agnostic.

The woman said she was an atheist.

The man said he didn't believe he could know if there was a God or not, and therefore he was an agnostic.

He said, "agnostic means, 'I do not know'".

She said she didn't believe in anything, therefore she was an atheist.

She asked him, "do you believe in God?"

He said, "no."

She said, "You're an atheist."

He said, and his voice was rising now, "there is sooo much arrogance in knowing!!"

She said, "You're an atheist! Why won't you admit it?"

"Because it makes me uncomfortable! I am confident that I know that I do not know. Even that might be too much knowing for me. Therefore I am an agnostic!"

Things were heating up now. Those people who weren't playing darts before were putting coins into machines now, because they were uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable. The discussion was inane, and it clearly wasn't going anywhere, and I tried to distract myself, too. I'm not sure Ronny was even aware of the conversation. He was nursing his Miller High Life.

All this concern over whether one was this thing or that thing got me thinking, though.

"Ronny," I said to Ronny, "why do people concern themselves so much with labels? Why do I have to be this thing or that thing? Why can't I just be Curt, plain and simple?"

"Are people labeling you, Curt?"

"Well I mean, not really, but everybody likes to have an answer when somebody asks them who they are, what they do." I struggled to express what I was trying to say.

"Hmm," said Ronny.

"Why do I feel embarrassed when I have to introduce myself as 'Curt Jimenez, Dishwasher'?"

Ronny said, "huh."

"I'm content most of the time," I continued, "but sometimes I wish I could tell people I was something I wasn't. And that doesn't make sense to me."

It was getting even harder to ignore the arguing couple. They were still debating semantics. Was their argument really that reducible? Was there a depth to it I didn't understand?

People are stubborn. People like to be right. Maybe that was the gist of it.

What is the difference between an agnostic and an atheist? I asked myself. An agnostic doesn't believe in a God, but doesn't that make him an atheist? Are they not the same thing? What the heck am I?

I noticed Ronny was now flirting with a woman who I recognized as the Hot Grandma I had once encountered at a Goodwill store. This is the shirt she was wearing.

You notice a lot of funny things once you start paying attention.

When somebody played Bad Romance on the jukebox, I told Ronny I had to go.

And I went.

To the dance floor.